Saturday, May 10, 2014
A few months ago, when my mother stopped responding to me completely, my therapist asked me to write a letter to her, telling her what was on my mind and what I really wanted to know. In honor of Mothers Day, I am going to share it with you.
My earliest memory of you is putting me in my crib for a nap. I was crying, and you were wearing winter boots, because I remember seeing their soles as you walked down the hall away from me. I needed you so much then.
You...taking me to get my braces off. You let me skip a whole day of school, took me to lunch, then took me shopping. We smiled at each other all day.
You...standing at an apartments open front door, in your platform cork-soled shoes, hands on your hips, glaring at each one of my friends as they walked single-file out the door, each one apologizing to you for the impromptu party that you busted.
You...sending me funny cards and letters while I was away at college...and calling the pay phone outside my dorm room at 6:30am, to make sure I was up for my 7:00 class.
You...telling me it was OK for me to come and stay with you a while, when my marriage was not going well....saying "bring your cats", having my old bedroom ready, and taking care of me the first rough week that I was there.
You...your words garbled over the phone after your mini-stroke and me yelling into the phone "Are you ok?" over and over again until you answered me and your words made sense.
You...your demeanor changing, becoming mean and resentful. You...feeling abandoned by your children because you had to move into a nursing home. You spent a total year in silence.
You...last Tuesday night...while visiting you, you reached out to me with your soft, little hand to grasp mine...your eyes never leaving my face...looking peaceful.
I love you...I will never leave you. All of the good memories that I have of you outweigh the bad. And when the day comes that you no longer recognize me, I will still be here, because YOU have always been there for me. I love you.
***Happy Mother's Day in Heaven.....Love and Miss You***