Wednesday, October 12, 2011

If You Could....Would You?

I don't know why I named this blog Reflections Past and Present....because I NEVER blog about anything PRESENT. My mind seems to be stuck in the past. Can anybody relate?

If you could.....would you go back to your past? I would. I definitely would. Of course, I would be a bit choosey, and only go back to CERTAIN parts of my past...the good parts, of course. The KISS Concert at MSG in 1977, Summers at the beach, fun times with my group of friends, maybe my first kiss.

I don't think that there has been a single day that has gone by within the last 10-15 years that I haven't thought daily of someone from my past, or an event or events from my past. I don't know what it is like a song that is set on Repeat. It finishes, then starts again.

I actually went to see a "Medium" once. This woman was the real deal. As soon as she took a hold of my hand, she said "You need to stop looking back. If you continue, you will not let yourself move forward." Okay. Sounds easy how do I actually DO THAT?

The Big is this accomplished? When THE PAST is in my ears and in my eyes (Kind of like Penny Lane....did you catch the reference?) It is near to impossible. There are framed photos all over my house, reminders of days gone by. Then there's the radio....the oldies stations....classic rock....the Hits From The 80's....I can't even turn on the television, because of Antenna TV (When TV was worth watching!) Hawaii Five O, Maude, Adam 12, All In The Family.

Then, there is the sense of SMELL. This has to be the strongest offender of reminders of the past. In my opinion, it is stronger than sight or sound. Once in awhile I will smell something that takes me back to senior year, and a certain guy. It's some brand of fabric softener. Or lotions...Ponds Cocoa whiff and I'm back in 1982, down at the beach with my bestie. Oh, and forget perfumes.....Instant Flashback! My husband eyes me warily as I drag him to all of the perfume counters in Belk, so that I may sniff the Scents of My Past. "Lauren" by Ralph Lauren (11th grade), Gloria Vanderbilt (senior year) Halston (senior year) the list goes on and on. I actually thought that I could wear a fragrance from my past, without it endangering my moods. How wrong I was.....I found Anais Anais at TJ Maxx, and was thrilled. Every time I wore it, the memories were so pressing I had to throw it away, lest I turn into a sniffling blubbering idiot. Why do I get teary-eyed, and get a big lump in my throat when I experience these sights, sounds and smells? I am remembering HAPPY times in my life. I guess that I am crying because it's over....when I should be happy that I have these memories. It's even worse if a sight, sound or smell reminds you of a loved one that is no longer around. It's like a knife to the heart, the pain is that great.

Some might think that my present is not a happy one...that is why I think about the past so much. This is not a true statement. I am very happily married....I love my life. I just think that I have a strong connection to what once for whatever that reason may be, I will just try to enjoy the ride....every sight, sound and smell that somes my way.

One last parting comment.....the inspiration to this post goes to Glen Campbell, whom I saw on Ellen this afternoon. He sang Witchita Lineman, and I had to peel myself up off of the floor afterwards. He was just diagnosed with Alzheimer's. God Bless Him.